I recently had a lunch meeting with a colleague to discuss how we were going to release and resource the new organization he was leading from a planned startup. While I was prepared to discuss some topics that would certainly be sensitive, I was not expecting my colleague’s opening line, which was “Stephen, I don’t know if I can trust you.”
My first instinct was to defend myself and the leadership team and point out where my colleague was under-performing. Had I done so, I am convinced the conversation would have ended poorly and jeopardized the launch of this new organization as well as a key relationship for me. Rather, I mentally took a huge step back while actively listening to the reasons why I was not trustworthy. I am as fallible as the next person, but I intentionally work at building trust across all my relationships (see my earlier post on building trust).
Tool #1: The 5 Gears
As my colleague continued, I began to notice a pattern that spoke to a larger issue of leadership. At GiANT Worldwide, we have a series of visual tools that drive the adoption of a common leadership language. The first tool that came to my mind in the conversation was 5 Gears, specifically reverse.
In the 5 Gears context, reverse is being responsive, backing up, and apologizing when necessary. In this case, I needed to recognize that this was the first time we launched a startup. As a result, there were a number of missteps along the way that affected our ability to launch well. I was part of the leadership team and needed to own that those missteps affected my colleague and his team. So that’s what I did. I apologized for those missteps and their effect and committed to work through them with my colleague. In that moment, we had a breakthrough that allowed us to more effectively address key issues on the pending launch.
Tool #2: Self Preservation Assessment
Second, it became clear to me that my colleague was creating a narrative that allowed him to absolve any personal responsibility if the launch ultimately fails. If the launch was successful, however, he would be able to take credit for it. I don’t believe it was intentional, but I was concerned about his overall commitment to the launch. Another key tool we use with clients is the self preservation assessment.
Often, we don’t realize there are underlying insecurities that affect our judgment and ability to be successful or relate well. In the case of my colleague, his fear of losing his livelihood and ability to support his family was certainly on his mind (and mine as well) but sub-consciously. Once he was able to verbalize it explicitly, it allowed us to acknowledge how real the risk was for him. Success or failure of this startup will depend on many variables. The one thing I needed to hear was my colleague’s willingness to embrace the opportunity, risks and all. It won’t work without his full commitment and ownership. If this opportunity is not where his heart is, then we needed to pull the plug. My colleague was able to respond in confidence he was ready to see this venture through to success. In turn, I developed a renewed commitment to make sure he is resourced appropriately.
Finally, as our long, hard conversation came to a close, it was apparent that the trust in our relationship took a huge step forward and opened the door to more effective conversations. Modeling effective leadership requires humility; we are not always right. Both my colleague and I had to choose whether we were willing to show vulnerability on a huge project for our organization. How about you? Is there a difficult conversation you need to have or recently had with a team member? I’d love to hear your thoughts or questions in the comments below.
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